I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labor.
• I work at great depths.
• I plunge head first into everything I do.
• I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
• I work in a damp environment.
• I don't get paid overtime.
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
• I work in high temperatures.
• My work exposes me to contagious Diseases.

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the Administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight.
• You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
• You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
• You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
• You will retire well before you are 65.
• You are unable to work double shifts.
• You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
• And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the Workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.